My Amelia Rose

My Amelia Rose

Monday, March 25, 2013

Conforming so soon?

At 4 years old I think a child shouldn't have a care in the world.  Life is good, they love princesses and soldiers, eating ice cream and playing in the dirt. But it doesn't seem so these days.  We talk about how teens are such bullies nowadays and so many bad things are happening with our kids but it's happening younger and younger.

This weekend, on our girls weekend, Amelia and I spent a lot of time in the hotel pool, she didn't want to leave there.  The thing is that she can't swim yet, we got in a few lessons last year and I plan to get her back in this year, but I had to carry her around the pool while we played.  It was all great and fun until another family came in, that's when she seemed to get self-conscious. She kept telling the little boy (I'd say he was 8-10 years old) that she could swim but her Mom wanted to carry her.  The boy didn't care either way and just smiled sweetly but why is my 4 year old caring what others think??!!

Just last week at school she told me that two little girls said her dress wasn't pretty, I said something loudly about they were wrong in front of others and a father of another child complimented Amelia's dress. 

Why are kids being so cruel so early?  And why do our kids care so early?  I'm sure my daughter has said some mean things although I tell her that is not acceptable and I don't know where these kids get it from, maybe it's parents, maybe it's kids being kids...but is that normal at 4 years old?? 

If it's this way at 4 what happens at 14?  I'm not sure what to do, I don't know how to deal with this because it has blindsided me.  I just want to put her in a bubble and keep her safe, I hate that my baby could be sad.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Off-topic but important for parents to read

Last week I began following the Steubenville rape case, I know I'm a little behind but I try to avoid some news because it scares me for Amelia.  But as I read various accounts I became more and more angry at what happened and how it was handled by the adults involved and the media.

First, what these boys did was reprehensible.  There is no excuse, there is not enough "I'm sorry" in the world to excuse what they did.  I could go on and on but I think that the act speaks for itself on how disgusting I find what they did and how disgusting I find them to be.

Next, the parents of Mays who act like they are so great.  They took in this boy "from a bad home" and say they tried to help him.  These people couldn't even raise the child they had responsibly so give up the God-complex and stop trying to act like your doing such good things with "the poor boy from the 'hood". 

And lastly (for now), why do I keep reading in the media that they raped "a drunken girl".  Who cares if she was drunk?!  We claim that society has changed from the days of "she asked for it", but we haven't.  One of my friends commented on my Facebook page with this:

That's the thing WE, as parents of girls, are being given that sole responsibility when so much of it is out of our control.  Too may parents of boys aren't teaching their sons "don't rape".  We have a society that's trying to teach girls "don't be raped" and not only is that obtuse, but also insulting.

I have personally seen boys at Amelia's daycare, 4 and 5 years old, act like little punks.  They are rude and will be cruel to the girls and most of these boys I find have their fathers in their lives, so that's not an excuse.  There are a couple of the boys who are just so sweet and those are the boys being raised by single Moms.  Sure that's not always the case but I find that some of these men are teaching the boys to be tough rather than to respect women.  I should not notice these things in 4 year old boys!  But it's happening because we, as parents, are failing our kids.

I do believe that we need to teach our girls to be safe, to behave appropriately and it seems more and more to fight for themselves but if someone makes a poor choice that is not an excuse for them to be raped.  We have to move past the "boys will be boys" way of thinking and raise our boys to do what is right, no matter how scary it may be.


Friday, March 15, 2013

Why I'm so proud of Amelia

Amelia will be graduating from LearningRx soon, as part of the graduation process I was given a piece of paper to write a letter to her, the top says "we are so proud of you".  Looking at this piece of paper reminds me how important to tell those we love, what about them is great.  So I'm sharing my letter here with you, a letter to my precious girl, one that I hope someday she will read and know just how proud I am of her.

Dear Amelia:

We started this journey several months ago, when I came to LearningRx I wasn't sure what to expect but I decided that I wanted to do better for you.  I wanted to give you a chance to grow, to know that you could do anything and never give up.  Something that I lost myself along the way.

During this time we've been through the rough and the good times.   The testing was crazy, you were not wanting to sit in that little room, but seeing you test showed me just how amazing you are.  Your math scores were crazy good, something you did not get from me!  

When we started coming to class we both were nervous, the idea of having to take more time to sit and listen to someone had to be exhausting for you, and you fought us sometimes but in the end I know you were listening to Ms. Rachel.   I would find you saying and sharing things that amazed me.

I've seen you grow from my little baby who seemed really smart to me to this amazing little girl who can do anything she sets her mind to!  

Even on the most tiring days you made the best of it, everyone commented on how you were always happy.  You made everyone that came across your path smile. 

You have a heart made of gold, your bubbly personality is contagious.  You can always make me feel better, no matter how rough the day is.  I have grown as a Mom and I know that I am growing daily, because of you. 

I am proud of how hard you've worked, through the exhaustion.  And I know with your persistence and kindness along with all you've learned from Ms. Rachel, you can be anything!  Even that "Princess Doctor" you keep talking about.

I love you baby!


Friday, March 8, 2013

Changes are tough

After meeting with the LearningRx director the other day we decided to end Amelia's classes there for now, she still has some booster classes that can be done but she seems to be burnt out.  Being 4 years old and having pre-school during the day, classes two days and week plus not sleeping many nights, it's a lot for their little brains to take.

I have no regrets, actually I can't wait to tell my story of LearningRx and how it's changed our lives (that will be coming soon) and she'll have her graduation coming in the next few weeks.  I'm proud of her and all she has learned, I'm proud to have found LearningRx and have them taught my baby girl so much.  I spent part of Wednesday crying because I'm sad that we won't have classes anymore; sure, I'm tired and so is she but Ms. Rachel (her teacher) and Ms. Ali (Director of Trainers) have become a big part of our lives.  They have encouraged Amelia to be her wonderful self and have helped me during the dark times of feeling all I'm doing is wrong.  I hope to stay in touch with them because they are the ladies that I want me daughter to know--strong, sweet & amazing women!

On another note, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this or not because it's hard to keep up with anything these days, but Amelia has stopped the sleep medicine.  It did not have good effects on her mind, she became MEAN.  Amelia is a lot of things but mean is not one of them.  She has been yelling, hitting and throwing things at me.  She even told her teacher at pre-school NO twice on Monday, it shocked her because Amelia doesn't do that.  Remember that medicines affect everyone differently.  One kid can take it and it does amazing but another it can cause a major rash or other crazy things.  I have a feeling we are on an upward battle with medicine with Amelia, just like me.  Nyquil wakes me up and Dayquil makes me sleepy--should be fun!

There are more changes coming but I'm not ready to discuss them yet, it's things that I'm still coming to grasp with myself.  I'll share with you soon, right now I'm just trying to get her balanced back out and my sweet girl back.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Making decisions for others SUCKS!

Forgive my description but there's not many better ways to put it, though there are some worse.

A few years ago one of my cats had cancer in one of her eyes; I had the choice to leave it alone and hope for the best or have her eye removed and hope it hadn't spread so she could live a long and happy life.  I cried and cried, I love Curlie and having to make a decision for something that couldn't speak for itself was overwhelming. 

In the end I had the eye removed and all is well now with our little pirate but now I am having to make decisions for someone even more daughter.

Should I give her medicine?  How will it affect her long-term?  Am I taking the right road on this?  Should I go with what the doctor says or trust my Mom instinct?  What if she gets bullied at school?  Am I protecting her too much?  Not enough?

Then when you add in all of the advice I'm getting from others--don't get me wrong, many friends have been so wonderful in sharing this road with me but they can only go so far.  They may suggest a path to take but I have to go down the path that I choose by myself and it's a hard road.

And let's not forget the "Internet doctors".  the people who say do this and that and don't do this and that.  The latest is that Coke Zero causes cancer, great now I'm killing my child that way. 

It's a constant battle, one where I wonder daily if I'm being a good Mom, blaming myself for things.  Crying because I lost it and yelled at her, I know she can't always help it but I'm tired.  It's nice to hear from friends who have "been there, done that" that encourage me but sometimes it's hard to hear the good over all of the bad.

I don't do a lot of Internet research because of so much inaccuracy out there and really, things that are okay today they'll find killed people later.  Sure, I'll research on some reputable sites to learn some basic things but I listen to my pediatrician and have to follow my gut.

Making decisions for someone who can't make their own...not something anyone wants to do but as parents we must do it daily.  We can only hope that we are doing the best...and that that insurance will cover their counseling once they start finding out all of our mistakes.