My Amelia Rose

My Amelia Rose

Thursday, August 23, 2012


Tonight I'm tired, the kind of tired that I'm not sure I can sleep but crawling UNDER the bed and crying sounds like what I should be doing.

It started at 3am, Amelia fell out of the bed and of course, was startled.  She started crawling saying she couldn't get up.  I held her and comforted her and once I got her back to bed realized her nose had been bleeding and I was covered in blood.  Then I started the worrying Mom thing, I went to check on her, aggravated her and finally went back to bed...only to toss and turn.

After a long day of work we had a meeting.  This is the thing I had been telling you that was my plan, we are working with LearningRx to get Amelia in "brain training".  I'm excited about this, I really believe this can help her.  We had her tested a few weeks back and I believe they saw what I did, the lack of ability to focus.  Amazingly her math skills were high, I'm not sure where that came from, certainly not me.

I'll tell you more about that as we start classes, it will be a few weeks but I'm excited about how this can help our family.

Of course, when it was time to head home Amelia had a complete meltdown, I think they may charge me triple now : /  I had to carry her out kicking and screaming.  We had to come straight home.

She finally settled down but then it was time to go to bed and all hell broke loose again.  Sorry for the language but there is no better description.  I hate nothing worse than putting my baby girl to bed and ending the night in a fight.  I always sneak in to kiss her after she goes to sleep.

So why am I overwhelmed?  Besides all of the above.  To get Amelia in this program we will have to do 6 hours a week, 3 at the center and 3 at home.  This is a lot for a Mom that works two jobs full-time.  So Monday-Wednesday evenings we'll have LearningRx, Fridays gymnastics and that is in addition to regular life.

It's a lot, I know that I'm going to be exhausted but in the end I know that I'm doing what's right for Amelia.  If I can get her in the class now then I believe in the future she will be unstoppable.

I will sacrafice this time for the next few weeks, after all, taking care of her is what my job is.  I can't wait to share our experience with you but hope that you will send out prayers and positive energy for me and Amelia.

And now I'm going to cry, tomorrow is another day with a bright future but for now it's time to let it all out...and then get some sleep!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

And then there was the birthday party...

Our newest adventures that have started happening as Amelia is getting older, getting invited to lots of birthday parties.  My best friend warned me about these and I never fully understood but now that we have tons of invites and tons of "what about MY gift" from Amelia, I get it!

It all started as a good day, we got up, went to breakfast and then got Amelia a little hair trim.  She was so excited about this party, all I heard was "we have to hurry and get ready!".  It was at Build-a-Bear at the Boardwalk so in usual fashion I got there early to do a little shopping and walk around with Amelia.  Apparently it was too much for the princess, she told me so at one point.

So we got to the party about 15 minutes early and all was good until it was time for the actual party.  She wouldn't sit in the circle and thought she would throw the little hearts like the lady did at the beginning, she was kicking, screaming, talking back to me, it was truly horrific (for me).  I'm sure quite entertaining to others though.  I finally took her to the bathroom and gave her the come to God talk, she came back crying and I was the bad Mom.  She still wouldn't cooperate but it was a bit better.  She didn't want a stuffed animal, she didn't want the outfit, she said we were there too long and she wanted to leave...all very, very loudly.  I'm not sure I can portray the horror I was dealing with though it probably will be the talk of many for a while.

Finally we got our stuff and headed over to Bass Pro for the cake and dinner at Sonic, she seemed to calm down quite a bit on the walk--maybe the store was too much for her.  After getting to Sonic she was settling down but really wanted cake.  At one point she walked away and went and sat in the corner, I truly didn't care and needed a break.  She ate and the acting up started again.  She started not so graciously digging around her privates, modesty is not her gift.  I begged, pleaded for her to stop, there was some giggling going on around the table.  After the second come to God talk I put her in time out where she sobbed, somehow I became the bad Mom there.  As we got ready to leave she dropped her soda which was the final I thought.  She then started jumping in it, I snapped.  My friend patted my back...had she forgotten the spawn of Satan's behaviour?  Or maybe as a Mom she sees this as normal.  Goodness if I know, I just know at that point total humiliation is all I felt.

Amazingly as we start going to the car this angel comes back, the one that I know and I swear is there.  I told her how disappointed I was and she started crying that she wanted me to be happy and she was just having fun.  She was a totally different child in the car and at home, why couldn't anyone get to see this??

I've learned a couple of things, first is that no nap=no party, period, no giving in even if I hurt a friends feeling and have a sobbing child.  Second, bring medicine, she said she didn't feel good, her allergies we're bad so maybe I should have known. 

But my question is:  do I take her and leave when she acts this way?  It's not like it's at a friends house, it was a party they paid for by the number of kids plus it seems that would be even more of a  spectacle.  I want her to have fun and hate the thought of doing that but is not doing it "giving into her"?

I do know this, my incessant desire to get places early does not work for my baby girl, I'm just going to have to be right on time or a little late, otherwise I'm asking too much.  That's a change I have to work on for me and boy will it hurt!

Monday, August 13, 2012

How it all got started

As I started putting together this blog I was wondering how this all got started, how it came about that I realized that Amelia was very busy and made me one exhausted Mom.  I finally got the answer and here it is:

A couple of years back my husband was out of town and Amelia and I were supposed to be going to a friend of his wedding.  As I was trying to get ready and get her ready I just about lost it.  I finally snapped and said "CAN YOU BE STILL FOR JUST ONE WHOLE MINUTE??!!".  I don't remember her reaction but I do know that she couldn't, she just never stopped.

It's progressively just gotten "worse and worse", I say that in quotations because is the fact that she can't be still or stop going really a bad thing?  Sure, it's tiring for an almost 40 year old Mom but she's 4 and she's full of energy, the alternative could be much worse.

So what has me wanting to share my story on a blog?  It's the judgments, the pain from people giving you that look like your a terrible parent for not controlling your kid, the one that says "if my kid ever acted that way".  There have been times that I've been brought to tears.

One of the triggers for me has been in her gymnastics class, she is scared of being upside down and turning flips.  I just don't understand, yes, I feel that way about being upside down and have my fears but how does she have them?  One week she just sobbed because they "flipped" her, I mean a hysterical breakdown.

All of the parents laugh at Amelia at gymnastics, she's the rock star of the group, other kids may be shy or nervous but Amelia's right there cheering for everyone.  The teachers can't keep her focused but they are such great ladies and so patient.

Here was my final breaking point and I must say that I'm being a little risky here and may offend but I've decided to do this for my daughter and offending others just may happen, so if you are judgmental, stop reading here.

One of Amelia's best friends was going to the gymnastics with us, I could always sense her Grandmothers disapproval of Amelia always running, being loud and when I tried to control her talking back to me.  It always bothered me but then one week she looked at me while I was trying to calm Amelia down before class and said "you better get control of that or teachers like me will have to deal with it when she gets to school".  OUCH! 

It' hurt really badly, I had to do everything I could to hide my tears.  When we got home I really took it out on Amelia, I yelled at her and told her she can't embarrass me like that.  The look on her face I will never forget.  You see, Amelia can't help it, she has ADHD tendencies (per her pediatrician, not self  diagnosed) and she doesn't really have any impulse control.  I hurt my baby because I let someone else judge our family and my baby.  I was wrong, in no way should I have done that.

It was right then that I decided that I wouldn't let someone else make me and in turn make my baby girl feel that way.  What right did they have?  Amelia is perfect!  Yes, she can make you crazy and by the time gymnastics class starts I'm usually sweating from chasing her around.  But she is wonderful the way she is and I'll take that "bad" child any day.  She entertains everyone with her joyous spirit and she doesn't follow the rest--that's someone who can change the world!

Now I'm not stupid and know that I must do something to help her focus and pay attention in school and other places that she needs to learn.  Coming soon I'll tell you my plan and how I came to it.

I hope you'll follow along so we can all learn from each other and know that us Moms with "spirited" kids are not alone.