Since pre-school is in summer session and a little less structured, Amelia started acting out. That's one thing that I've noticed with the ADHD medicine, if there is no structure it causes her stress; this is why we don't give it to her on the weekends. We decided, with the school, to take her off of the medication for now. It's been going well but I could tell this weekend that the medicine seems to be completely out of her system. She is a WILD CHILD! Quite honestly it can be exhausting but I just remind myself it's about her--not me, although as a Mom it can wear you down. There is not much of a quiet time for us and I've started having to lay with her to get her to bed because that calms her down...oh how I miss mommy time.
Well, this to shall pass I suppose. A mothers work is never done but a break occasionally would be nice.
Here's some more "Ameliaisms":
"Mommy, Daddy's not doing anything right", she later told me that "Daddy won't stop talking to me".]
Last night we were playing and she made me a fairy and her a princess. I used my wand to turn her into a frog which she didn't agree with and told me "STOP THE ATTITUDE!". When I wouldn't stop she told me to "act like a fairy" and then DE-throned me completely by removing my wings and taking my wand. *sigh*
She wanted me to put on a dress (which I don't wear) and I told her I didn't have one. "Yes you do, I buy'd you one!". Well, um, yea that got returned...
I host many events around town with my Macaroni Kid business and the other day while I was talking to some readers Amelia decided to pull her shorts down in front of everyone. She said sprite got in her pants. My little mooner.
My Amelia Rose
Monday, June 17, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Letting them cry
When Amelia was a baby I heard a lot about CIO (cry it out). Letting a baby cry it out so they learn to comfort themselves. Honestly, then it wasn't too hard because I knew that I needed rest and was exhausted. She learned to entertain herself and I got a little rest; in between the times sneaking in to make sure she was still breathing.
But as she gets older I actually find it harder to do, seeing her cry real tears and feel real fear and sadness hurts me tremendously. I find myself becoming my parents saying "this hurts me more than it hurts you", something I never knew was true until now.
Amelia just started swim classes a couple of weeks ago, it was a decision I made adamantly after pool time on our girls weekend. I couldn't worry that she would decide to show someone she could swim when in actuality she is afraid of the water. The first class wasn't so bad but on the way to the second class she informed me that she wasn't going in the water. I told her that she had to and to do what her teacher said but I knew at that point she would resist. I generally like to stay out while she is learning new things so she doesn't look to me but saw on the TV screen that she was giving them trouble so I went in the pool area. That was a mistake. She kept looking to me and starting crying at one point, when she came to me and said "Mommy, I want to leave" in a chocked up voice with tears in her eyes it was the hardest thing to tell her that she had to go back. My God, the pain I felt right then and still feel thinking about it is almost unbearable.
But I know she needs to learn this, I took swim lessons and I can be safe around water. I feel guilt that maybe I should have started her at an earlier age but honestly I didn't have the money then and I started them a little later than her and did fine.
While I pray that this upcoming lesson will go better I fear that it will be the same for a bit longer. She has great teachers and everyone there works with all of the kids so that's not a problem. I will have to stay out of the pool area so that she can't lean on me and the thought of her feeling abandoned...well, I can't think of that. She's almost 5 so I know that there is much more of this to come and I have to start now. For her. For me.
But as she gets older I actually find it harder to do, seeing her cry real tears and feel real fear and sadness hurts me tremendously. I find myself becoming my parents saying "this hurts me more than it hurts you", something I never knew was true until now.
Amelia just started swim classes a couple of weeks ago, it was a decision I made adamantly after pool time on our girls weekend. I couldn't worry that she would decide to show someone she could swim when in actuality she is afraid of the water. The first class wasn't so bad but on the way to the second class she informed me that she wasn't going in the water. I told her that she had to and to do what her teacher said but I knew at that point she would resist. I generally like to stay out while she is learning new things so she doesn't look to me but saw on the TV screen that she was giving them trouble so I went in the pool area. That was a mistake. She kept looking to me and starting crying at one point, when she came to me and said "Mommy, I want to leave" in a chocked up voice with tears in her eyes it was the hardest thing to tell her that she had to go back. My God, the pain I felt right then and still feel thinking about it is almost unbearable.
But I know she needs to learn this, I took swim lessons and I can be safe around water. I feel guilt that maybe I should have started her at an earlier age but honestly I didn't have the money then and I started them a little later than her and did fine.
While I pray that this upcoming lesson will go better I fear that it will be the same for a bit longer. She has great teachers and everyone there works with all of the kids so that's not a problem. I will have to stay out of the pool area so that she can't lean on me and the thought of her feeling abandoned...well, I can't think of that. She's almost 5 so I know that there is much more of this to come and I have to start now. For her. For me.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Catching up...
It's been a little while since I've posted, I'm sorry but these two jobs and raising a "busy" almost 5 year old sometimes can wear you out. I was talking to someone about being a 40 year old Mom to a young child and told them that I had lost my mind but I wouldn't change it for the world.
A few weeks ago my baby girl graduated from Pre-Kindergarten, it was joyful and sad at the same time. They grow up entirely too fast! We've registered for Kindergarten starting in August and I know she'll do great. I tried to talk her into waiting a year and I was shot down with "Mom, let me go to big kid school". Well, then, I guess I got that.
The ADHD medicine is still working although it's enhanced that funny little imagination of hers which can be hilarious. The other day her teacher told me that when she wakes up from her nap that she makes funny noises, I explained that she's acting out "The Land Before Time" movies. I see directing in her future! It really is funny...except at 3am, then I want to go live in a hotel with no children or cats to get riled when they hear her up.
And the flowers she got for graduation, well they are about to be disposed of--cats like flowers and it's a battle to keep them out. Maybe I'll make her a little bouquet of fake flowers although I know she'll call me out on them being fake.
Unfortunately this week we've gone backwards on the sleeping with her fighting going to sleep and then waking up at her regular 230-330am time and play. Today she's been up since 230 this morning, the funny thing is that she'll be an angel at school but tonight will not be fun for me.
I've called the pediatrician and we're going to try sublingual melatonin and see how it goes. The regular melatonin had stopped working so this is trial and error.
I don't give her the medicine on the weekend and the couple of times I have did not turn out well, with that medicine she needs structure like at school so it turns chaotic. I'm still debating about the summertime but will talk to the doctor next week once the sleep issues are back under control (I hope).
Here's my little graduate, isn't she the cutest ever?!
A few weeks ago my baby girl graduated from Pre-Kindergarten, it was joyful and sad at the same time. They grow up entirely too fast! We've registered for Kindergarten starting in August and I know she'll do great. I tried to talk her into waiting a year and I was shot down with "Mom, let me go to big kid school". Well, then, I guess I got that.
The ADHD medicine is still working although it's enhanced that funny little imagination of hers which can be hilarious. The other day her teacher told me that when she wakes up from her nap that she makes funny noises, I explained that she's acting out "The Land Before Time" movies. I see directing in her future! It really is funny...except at 3am, then I want to go live in a hotel with no children or cats to get riled when they hear her up.
And the flowers she got for graduation, well they are about to be disposed of--cats like flowers and it's a battle to keep them out. Maybe I'll make her a little bouquet of fake flowers although I know she'll call me out on them being fake.
Unfortunately this week we've gone backwards on the sleeping with her fighting going to sleep and then waking up at her regular 230-330am time and play. Today she's been up since 230 this morning, the funny thing is that she'll be an angel at school but tonight will not be fun for me.
I've called the pediatrician and we're going to try sublingual melatonin and see how it goes. The regular melatonin had stopped working so this is trial and error.
I don't give her the medicine on the weekend and the couple of times I have did not turn out well, with that medicine she needs structure like at school so it turns chaotic. I'm still debating about the summertime but will talk to the doctor next week once the sleep issues are back under control (I hope).
Here's my little graduate, isn't she the cutest ever?!
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
The show brought to you by...
I love my child, she's officially one of the funniest people that I know.
She loves to act out shows and will do the characters voices, not like putting on a show for us, but just playing by herself. The other day in the car she was doing a Mickey Mouse show and when we arrived at daycare I told her it was time to get out of the car, she said "hold on a minute". Then I heard her say "Disney Junior will be right back after these messages".
Yep, she sent herself to commercial break. Gotta love it!
She loves to act out shows and will do the characters voices, not like putting on a show for us, but just playing by herself. The other day in the car she was doing a Mickey Mouse show and when we arrived at daycare I told her it was time to get out of the car, she said "hold on a minute". Then I heard her say "Disney Junior will be right back after these messages".
Yep, she sent herself to commercial break. Gotta love it!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
A decision no parent wants to make
I know that I'll receive many judgements on this, people who aren't walking in your shoes with YOUR child are great at judging others. But as a Mom who loves her daughter more than anything in this world and has tried multiple things to help her, I've made a very tough decision. Today Amelia started medicine.
I'm typing this on March 12th but it won't be published quite yet, I want to give it time to see how this medicine does with Amelia, I want people who are around her to not know she is on medicine and to see if they notice any changes. If people know then you have the placebo effect and I want their reactions to be genuine.
So far only a few people know besides her father and I: our pediatrician, the daycare director and her assistant and my best friend. I am working closely with Amelia's doctor through this, the daycare directors will know if a teacher comes to them exactly what is going on but we want to see if the teachers notice anything, and my best friend because she's my best friend. Heck, I knew she was pregnant with her second child before her husband did (sorry Todd).
This was not an easy decision, even for the pediatrician, but we started it this early because of Amelia's lack of sleep. No one can go without sleep and a 4 year old needs more than we do as adults. Of course, you know how kids do better after you make the doctors appointment so she slept for several days in a row. But last night it was like a sign because she didn't sleep hardly at all.
The hardest part of this is that I had to give her the medicine this morning and before it could take affect had to leave her at school. I don't get to be there if she gets confused, scared or sick. My heart is breaking.
But I know she is in good hands, I trust her teachers to take good care of her. The daycare directors are great and aren't afraid to call me.
6 days later...
So, here it is March 18th, Amelia has been on the medicine for 6 days. Holy enhanced O.C.D.! Wow, apparently this is a side effect, while it doesn't cause O.C.D. it just brings it to light and she can think about things better now which makes her obsess more.
The first night she wanted me to sit with her to watch TV, I had to sit in a certain spot, her "friends" (stuffed animals) had to be just right and all blankets had to be in perfect squares. It was overwhelming to say the least.
The second night I was able to get her to color while I cooked, and she colored and colored and colored. I need more room in the house for all of those pictures.
Things are equaling out now although things take a bit longer, bedtime requires all "friends" to be lined up perfectly, covers on them perfectly in a square. There are about 3 blankets on her bed because she needs that one to be perfect and the one she's covered with to be perfect.
This morning she told me that she couldn't touch anything because her hands were soft. I don't know what that means but she mentioned licking them, she actually did this before the medicine, I caught her licking her hands like a cat licking its paws. I blame the cats. Not really sure about all of that.
On Saturday we were spending time with a friend, I knew that her son has ADHD but didn't realize that he had gotten on medicine. I mentioned to her that Amelia had and it turns out that her and this friends son is on the same medicine. It was interesting to see her reactions to the things that Amelia did, she said that she sees her son in Amelia.
I think that this medicine is making Amelia more aware, she told us that she likes to talk to herself; she even asked her Dad to leave the room one day so she could talk to herself. Basically it's her way of working things out.
This may all seem like something that is scary to one who doesn't have a child with special needs but Amelia did this all long before medicine. Now she can see what she needs, her focusing is better and the teacher mentioned the other day how calm Amelia was (remember the teacher doesn't know).
There have been times that I think the O.C.D. is going to make me crazy or I wish the meds wouldn't wear off so early but them I remember it's not about me. This is about Amelia and making her life easier in the long run.
So I have a couple of more weeks to go before I know how I truly feel about the medicine but so far I am really happy that I haven't lost my Amelia and her BIG personality.
Update 3/20/13:
Yesterday Amelia had her LearningRx outgoing test, it's amazing how different it was from the one she took before she started. The first test she didn't even finish, she would run out of the room, I had to sit in there for a bit, it was crazy! Yesterday, she finished the entire 2 hour test! She came out for about 5 minutes to play a game on the iPad, then one other time for water, besides that she was in there for 2 hours. That was amazing! They don't know that she is on medicine right now but were amazed.
This morning dropping her off at school I asked the teacher how she was doing and she told me that Amelia was "quiet and distant", but was listening. Everyone is so used to Amelia being loud and all over the place that they are confused (again only the daycare directors know about the medicine), but I know that she can focus better now.
The thing is that with me she is still talking away, she's happy and fun. I haven't lost Amelia, she's gained a chance to focus. I remember once before a friend said that everyone has to conform, I hate conformity but I know that Amelia needs to focus so if somewhat conforming is what it takes for her to learn then so be it. But look out world...she's coming and with all that she learns we'll never be the same!
Update 4/3/13:
So it's April 3rd and I'm ready to share this with my readers. I've seen things even out and she is doing great! We are tapering off on the weekends, she doesn't need it then. I'll share more on what's going on as we continue this journey but my girl is doing great for now, we'll see what happens down the road.
I'm typing this on March 12th but it won't be published quite yet, I want to give it time to see how this medicine does with Amelia, I want people who are around her to not know she is on medicine and to see if they notice any changes. If people know then you have the placebo effect and I want their reactions to be genuine.
So far only a few people know besides her father and I: our pediatrician, the daycare director and her assistant and my best friend. I am working closely with Amelia's doctor through this, the daycare directors will know if a teacher comes to them exactly what is going on but we want to see if the teachers notice anything, and my best friend because she's my best friend. Heck, I knew she was pregnant with her second child before her husband did (sorry Todd).
This was not an easy decision, even for the pediatrician, but we started it this early because of Amelia's lack of sleep. No one can go without sleep and a 4 year old needs more than we do as adults. Of course, you know how kids do better after you make the doctors appointment so she slept for several days in a row. But last night it was like a sign because she didn't sleep hardly at all.
The hardest part of this is that I had to give her the medicine this morning and before it could take affect had to leave her at school. I don't get to be there if she gets confused, scared or sick. My heart is breaking.
But I know she is in good hands, I trust her teachers to take good care of her. The daycare directors are great and aren't afraid to call me.
6 days later...
So, here it is March 18th, Amelia has been on the medicine for 6 days. Holy enhanced O.C.D.! Wow, apparently this is a side effect, while it doesn't cause O.C.D. it just brings it to light and she can think about things better now which makes her obsess more.
The first night she wanted me to sit with her to watch TV, I had to sit in a certain spot, her "friends" (stuffed animals) had to be just right and all blankets had to be in perfect squares. It was overwhelming to say the least.
The second night I was able to get her to color while I cooked, and she colored and colored and colored. I need more room in the house for all of those pictures.
Things are equaling out now although things take a bit longer, bedtime requires all "friends" to be lined up perfectly, covers on them perfectly in a square. There are about 3 blankets on her bed because she needs that one to be perfect and the one she's covered with to be perfect.
This morning she told me that she couldn't touch anything because her hands were soft. I don't know what that means but she mentioned licking them, she actually did this before the medicine, I caught her licking her hands like a cat licking its paws. I blame the cats. Not really sure about all of that.
On Saturday we were spending time with a friend, I knew that her son has ADHD but didn't realize that he had gotten on medicine. I mentioned to her that Amelia had and it turns out that her and this friends son is on the same medicine. It was interesting to see her reactions to the things that Amelia did, she said that she sees her son in Amelia.
I think that this medicine is making Amelia more aware, she told us that she likes to talk to herself; she even asked her Dad to leave the room one day so she could talk to herself. Basically it's her way of working things out.
This may all seem like something that is scary to one who doesn't have a child with special needs but Amelia did this all long before medicine. Now she can see what she needs, her focusing is better and the teacher mentioned the other day how calm Amelia was (remember the teacher doesn't know).
There have been times that I think the O.C.D. is going to make me crazy or I wish the meds wouldn't wear off so early but them I remember it's not about me. This is about Amelia and making her life easier in the long run.
So I have a couple of more weeks to go before I know how I truly feel about the medicine but so far I am really happy that I haven't lost my Amelia and her BIG personality.
Update 3/20/13:
Yesterday Amelia had her LearningRx outgoing test, it's amazing how different it was from the one she took before she started. The first test she didn't even finish, she would run out of the room, I had to sit in there for a bit, it was crazy! Yesterday, she finished the entire 2 hour test! She came out for about 5 minutes to play a game on the iPad, then one other time for water, besides that she was in there for 2 hours. That was amazing! They don't know that she is on medicine right now but were amazed.
This morning dropping her off at school I asked the teacher how she was doing and she told me that Amelia was "quiet and distant", but was listening. Everyone is so used to Amelia being loud and all over the place that they are confused (again only the daycare directors know about the medicine), but I know that she can focus better now.
The thing is that with me she is still talking away, she's happy and fun. I haven't lost Amelia, she's gained a chance to focus. I remember once before a friend said that everyone has to conform, I hate conformity but I know that Amelia needs to focus so if somewhat conforming is what it takes for her to learn then so be it. But look out world...she's coming and with all that she learns we'll never be the same!
Update 4/3/13:
So it's April 3rd and I'm ready to share this with my readers. I've seen things even out and she is doing great! We are tapering off on the weekends, she doesn't need it then. I'll share more on what's going on as we continue this journey but my girl is doing great for now, we'll see what happens down the road.
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