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I love my child, she's officially one of the funniest people that I know.

She loves to act out shows and will do the characters voices, not like putting on a show for us, but just playing by herself.  The other day in the car she was doing a Mickey Mouse show and when we arrived at daycare I told her it was time to get out of the car, she said "hold on a minute".  Then I heard her say "Disney Junior will be right back after these messages". 

Yep, she sent herself to commercial break.  Gotta love it!

A decision no parent wants to make

I know that I'll receive many judgements on this, people who aren't walking in your shoes with YOUR child are great at judging others.  But as a Mom who loves her daughter more than anything in this world and has tried multiple things to help her, I've made a very tough decision.  Today Amelia started medicine.

I'm typing this on March 12th but it won't be published quite yet, I want to give it time to see how this medicine does with Amelia, I want people who are around her to not know she is on medicine and to see if they notice any changes.  If people know then you have the placebo effect and I want their reactions to be genuine. 

So far only a few people know besides her father and I: our pediatrician, the daycare director and her assistant and my best friend.  I am working closely with Amelia's doctor through this, the daycare directors will know if a teacher comes to them exactly what is going on but we want to see if the teachers notice anything, and my best friend because she's my best friend.  Heck, I knew she was pregnant with her second child before her husband did (sorry Todd). 

This was not an easy decision, even for the pediatrician, but we started it this early because of Amelia's lack of sleep.  No one can go without sleep and a 4 year old needs more than we do as adults.  Of course, you know how kids do better after you make the doctors appointment so she slept for several days in a row.  But last night it was like a sign because she didn't sleep hardly at all.

The hardest part of this is that I had to give her the medicine this morning and before it could take affect had to leave her at school.  I don't get to be there if she gets confused, scared or sick.  My heart is breaking.

But I know she is in good hands, I trust her teachers to take good care of her.  The daycare directors are great and aren't afraid to call me.


6 days later...

So, here it is March 18th, Amelia has been on the medicine for 6 days.  Holy enhanced O.C.D.!  Wow, apparently this is a side effect, while it doesn't cause O.C.D. it just brings it to light and she can think about things better now which makes her obsess more.

The first night she wanted me to sit with her to watch TV, I had to sit in a certain spot, her "friends" (stuffed animals) had to be just right and all blankets had to be in perfect squares.  It was overwhelming to say the least.

The second night I was able to get her to color while I cooked, and she colored and colored and colored.  I need more room in the house for all of those pictures.

Things are equaling out now although things take a bit longer, bedtime requires all "friends" to be lined up perfectly, covers on them perfectly in a square.  There are about 3 blankets on her bed because she needs that one to be perfect and the one she's covered with to be perfect.

This morning she told me that she couldn't touch anything because her hands were soft.  I don't know what that means but she mentioned licking them, she actually did this before the medicine, I caught her licking her hands like a cat licking its paws.  I blame the cats.  Not really sure about all of that.

On Saturday we were spending time with a friend, I knew that her son has ADHD but didn't realize that he had gotten on medicine.  I mentioned to her that Amelia had and it turns out that her and this friends son is on the same medicine.  It was interesting to see her reactions to the things that Amelia did, she said that she sees her son in Amelia.

I think that this medicine is making Amelia more aware, she told us that she likes to talk to herself; she even asked her Dad to leave the room one day so she could talk to herself.  Basically it's her way of working things out.

This may all seem like something that is scary to one who doesn't have a child with special needs but Amelia did this all long before medicine.  Now she can see what she needs, her focusing is better and the teacher mentioned the other day how calm Amelia was (remember the teacher doesn't know).

There have been times that I think the O.C.D. is going to make me crazy or I wish the meds wouldn't wear off so early but them I remember it's not about me.  This is about Amelia and making her life easier in the long run.

So I have a couple of more weeks to go before I know how I truly feel about the medicine but so far I am really happy that I haven't lost my Amelia and her BIG personality.

Update 3/20/13:
Yesterday Amelia had her LearningRx outgoing test, it's amazing how different it was from the one she took before she started.  The first test she didn't even finish, she would run out of the room, I had to sit in there for a bit, it was crazy!  Yesterday, she finished the entire 2 hour test!  She came out for about 5 minutes to play a game on the iPad, then one other time for water, besides that she was in there for 2 hours.  That was amazing!  They don't know that she is on medicine right now but were amazed.

This morning dropping her off at school I asked the teacher how she was doing and she told me that Amelia was "quiet and distant", but was listening.  Everyone is so used to Amelia being loud and all over the place that they are confused (again only the daycare directors know about the medicine), but I know that she can focus better now.

The thing is that with me she is still talking away, she's happy and fun.   I haven't lost Amelia, she's gained a chance to focus.  I remember once before a friend said that everyone has to conform, I hate conformity but I know that Amelia needs to focus so if somewhat conforming is what it takes for her to learn then so be it.  But look out world...she's coming and with all that she learns we'll never be the same!

Update 4/3/13:
So it's April 3rd and I'm ready to share this with my readers.  I've seen things even out and she is doing great!  We are tapering off on the weekends, she doesn't need it then.  I'll share more on what's going on as we continue this journey but my girl is doing great for now, we'll see what happens down the road.

We did it!

Last Wednesday Amelia officially graduated from LearningRx!  It has been an exhausting journey but after getting Amelia's test results I see it was all worth it. 

I am proud to say that since starting LearningRx her IQ has jumped 27 points!  You read that right--27!  I was told that the normal IQ jump is 9-10 points but Amelia is one of the highest ever seen!

All of the running around after work, taking Amelia to class,  doing homework, struggling, being embarrassed because she threw things at the trainer, it all came together and she was listening and learning.  For Amelia to be 4 1/2 and be in the high percentile of IQ for that age group is amazing. 

Before LearningRx  we had trouble getting Amelia to focus and be where she needed to be for learning but because of those crazy dance times and building "bull cages", she can listen better in school and process things much better.  We still have some work to do on long term memory but LearningRx sent me home with plenty of ideas to work on that.

I really can't thank LearningRx enough, I know that I couldn't have done this on my own, but they have now given both Amelia and I the skills to use in the future.  We will be seeing them again, I want Amelia to excel in all that she does. 

Thank you to Ms. Rachel and Ms. Aly for all that you have done for our family.  This picture says it all, Amelia is a superstar!  (and this was not posed, it's just that big personality!)

Conforming so soon?

At 4 years old I think a child shouldn't have a care in the world.  Life is good, they love princesses and soldiers, eating ice cream and playing in the dirt. But it doesn't seem so these days.  We talk about how teens are such bullies nowadays and so many bad things are happening with our kids but it's happening younger and younger.

This weekend, on our girls weekend, Amelia and I spent a lot of time in the hotel pool, she didn't want to leave there.  The thing is that she can't swim yet, we got in a few lessons last year and I plan to get her back in this year, but I had to carry her around the pool while we played.  It was all great and fun until another family came in, that's when she seemed to get self-conscious. She kept telling the little boy (I'd say he was 8-10 years old) that she could swim but her Mom wanted to carry her.  The boy didn't care either way and just smiled sweetly but why is my 4 year old caring what others think??!!

Just last week at school she told me that two little girls said her dress wasn't pretty, I said something loudly about they were wrong in front of others and a father of another child complimented Amelia's dress. 

Why are kids being so cruel so early?  And why do our kids care so early?  I'm sure my daughter has said some mean things although I tell her that is not acceptable and I don't know where these kids get it from, maybe it's parents, maybe it's kids being kids...but is that normal at 4 years old?? 

If it's this way at 4 what happens at 14?  I'm not sure what to do, I don't know how to deal with this because it has blindsided me.  I just want to put her in a bubble and keep her safe, I hate that my baby could be sad.

Off-topic but important for parents to read

Last week I began following the Steubenville rape case, I know I'm a little behind but I try to avoid some news because it scares me for Amelia.  But as I read various accounts I became more and more angry at what happened and how it was handled by the adults involved and the media.

First, what these boys did was reprehensible.  There is no excuse, there is not enough "I'm sorry" in the world to excuse what they did.  I could go on and on but I think that the act speaks for itself on how disgusting I find what they did and how disgusting I find them to be.

Next, the parents of Mays who act like they are so great.  They took in this boy "from a bad home" and say they tried to help him.  These people couldn't even raise the child they had responsibly so give up the God-complex and stop trying to act like your doing such good things with "the poor boy from the 'hood". 

And lastly (for now), why do I keep reading in the media that they raped "a drunken girl".  Who cares if she was drunk?!  We claim that society has changed from the days of "she asked for it", but we haven't.  One of my friends commented on my Facebook page with this:

That's the thing WE, as parents of girls, are being given that sole responsibility when so much of it is out of our control.  Too may parents of boys aren't teaching their sons "don't rape".  We have a society that's trying to teach girls "don't be raped" and not only is that obtuse, but also insulting.

I have personally seen boys at Amelia's daycare, 4 and 5 years old, act like little punks.  They are rude and will be cruel to the girls and most of these boys I find have their fathers in their lives, so that's not an excuse.  There are a couple of the boys who are just so sweet and those are the boys being raised by single Moms.  Sure that's not always the case but I find that some of these men are teaching the boys to be tough rather than to respect women.  I should not notice these things in 4 year old boys!  But it's happening because we, as parents, are failing our kids.

I do believe that we need to teach our girls to be safe, to behave appropriately and it seems more and more to fight for themselves but if someone makes a poor choice that is not an excuse for them to be raped.  We have to move past the "boys will be boys" way of thinking and raise our boys to do what is right, no matter how scary it may be.