Why I'm so proud of Amelia

Amelia will be graduating from LearningRx soon, as part of the graduation process I was given a piece of paper to write a letter to her, the top says "we are so proud of you".  Looking at this piece of paper reminds me how important to tell those we love, what about them is great.  So I'm sharing my letter here with you, a letter to my precious girl, one that I hope someday she will read and know just how proud I am of her.

Dear Amelia:

We started this journey several months ago, when I came to LearningRx I wasn't sure what to expect but I decided that I wanted to do better for you.  I wanted to give you a chance to grow, to know that you could do anything and never give up.  Something that I lost myself along the way.

During this time we've been through the rough and the good times.   The testing was crazy, you were not wanting to sit in that little room, but seeing you test showed me just how amazing you are.  Your math scores were crazy good, something you did not get from me!  

When we started coming to class we both were nervous, the idea of having to take more time to sit and listen to someone had to be exhausting for you, and you fought us sometimes but in the end I know you were listening to Ms. Rachel.   I would find you saying and sharing things that amazed me.

I've seen you grow from my little baby who seemed really smart to me to this amazing little girl who can do anything she sets her mind to!  

Even on the most tiring days you made the best of it, everyone commented on how you were always happy.  You made everyone that came across your path smile. 

You have a heart made of gold, your bubbly personality is contagious.  You can always make me feel better, no matter how rough the day is.  I have grown as a Mom and I know that I am growing daily, because of you. 

I am proud of how hard you've worked, through the exhaustion.  And I know with your persistence and kindness along with all you've learned from Ms. Rachel, you can be anything!  Even that "Princess Doctor" you keep talking about.

I love you baby!

Mommy

Changes are tough

After meeting with the LearningRx director the other day we decided to end Amelia's classes there for now, she still has some booster classes that can be done but she seems to be burnt out.  Being 4 years old and having pre-school during the day, classes two days and week plus not sleeping many nights, it's a lot for their little brains to take.

I have no regrets, actually I can't wait to tell my story of LearningRx and how it's changed our lives (that will be coming soon) and she'll have her graduation coming in the next few weeks.  I'm proud of her and all she has learned, I'm proud to have found LearningRx and have them taught my baby girl so much.  I spent part of Wednesday crying because I'm sad that we won't have classes anymore; sure, I'm tired and so is she but Ms. Rachel (her teacher) and Ms. Ali (Director of Trainers) have become a big part of our lives.  They have encouraged Amelia to be her wonderful self and have helped me during the dark times of feeling all I'm doing is wrong.  I hope to stay in touch with them because they are the ladies that I want me daughter to know--strong, sweet & amazing women!


On another note, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this or not because it's hard to keep up with anything these days, but Amelia has stopped the sleep medicine.  It did not have good effects on her mind, she became MEAN.  Amelia is a lot of things but mean is not one of them.  She has been yelling, hitting and throwing things at me.  She even told her teacher at pre-school NO twice on Monday, it shocked her because Amelia doesn't do that.  Remember that medicines affect everyone differently.  One kid can take it and it does amazing but another it can cause a major rash or other crazy things.  I have a feeling we are on an upward battle with medicine with Amelia, just like me.  Nyquil wakes me up and Dayquil makes me sleepy--should be fun!

There are more changes coming but I'm not ready to discuss them yet, it's things that I'm still coming to grasp with myself.  I'll share with you soon, right now I'm just trying to get her balanced back out and my sweet girl back.

Making decisions for others SUCKS!

Forgive my description but there's not many better ways to put it, though there are some worse.

A few years ago one of my cats had cancer in one of her eyes; I had the choice to leave it alone and hope for the best or have her eye removed and hope it hadn't spread so she could live a long and happy life.  I cried and cried, I love Curlie and having to make a decision for something that couldn't speak for itself was overwhelming. 

In the end I had the eye removed and all is well now with our little pirate but now I am having to make decisions for someone even more important...my daughter.

Should I give her medicine?  How will it affect her long-term?  Am I taking the right road on this?  Should I go with what the doctor says or trust my Mom instinct?  What if she gets bullied at school?  Am I protecting her too much?  Not enough?

Then when you add in all of the advice I'm getting from others--don't get me wrong, many friends have been so wonderful in sharing this road with me but they can only go so far.  They may suggest a path to take but I have to go down the path that I choose by myself and it's a hard road.

And let's not forget the "Internet doctors".  the people who say do this and that and don't do this and that.  The latest is that Coke Zero causes cancer, great now I'm killing my child that way. 

It's a constant battle, one where I wonder daily if I'm being a good Mom, blaming myself for things.  Crying because I lost it and yelled at her, I know she can't always help it but I'm tired.  It's nice to hear from friends who have "been there, done that" that encourage me but sometimes it's hard to hear the good over all of the bad.

I don't do a lot of Internet research because of so much inaccuracy out there and really, things that are okay today they'll find killed people later.  Sure, I'll research on some reputable sites to learn some basic things but I listen to my pediatrician and have to follow my gut.

Making decisions for someone who can't make their own...not something anyone wants to do but as parents we must do it daily.  We can only hope that we are doing the best...and that that insurance will cover their counseling once they start finding out all of our mistakes.

A little sweet revenge

For those who may have missed it, a few weeks back one of Amelia's teachers read a book about bugs and animals and the part about ticks really stuck with Amelia.  Every since then I get constant questions about ticks, I've told her they only live in the dark woods but the questions never stop.

This morning on the way to school I was getting my daily quizzing:  what happens if they get in the light?  are ticks scared of adults? if they are under a tree it's dark...

*sigh*

So with all of my exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed with life I thought I'd have a little fun.  I told Amelia to find Ms. Jessica (that teacher who read her the book) when she got to school and she could ask her questions ALL DAY about ticks.  We got there and Ms. Jessica was right in the lobby, the questions started.  I then told them both that Amelia could follow her around all day asking questions.  The entire staff that was around erupted in laughter as it all started.

Yep, it should be a great day for Ms. Jessica and I hope she gets the "why", "you know" and everything that I've been getting for the past couple of weeks.

Revenge is sweet...and can make you giggle no matter how tired you are.

The Soda Diaries

So my tests continues:

For those who missed it, the pediatrician prescribed Amelia some medicine to help her sleep.  I was told to give her 1/2 a pill an hour before bed.

Wednesday, 2/20, Day 1:

630pm I gave her 1/4 pill, I'm just not ready to give the full half, heck I don't even want to give her anything but not sleeping isn't good for any of us.

830pm She's still talking away, to her "friends", her "friends" are "talking back to her", about 'odometers', ticks and everything else in her little brain.  I know she needs to sleep so I tried something I had heard of, gave her a small cup of coke zero.  Caffeine can have an opposite effect on ADHD, Autistic and Aspergers kids.  5 minutes later--SHE'S OUT!  Slept all night like an angel.



Thursday, 2/21, Day 2:

7pm After talking to the pediatrician I gave her the 1/2 pill, the assure me it's a very mild medicine and technically she could take a full pill.  As part of my test I don't want to give the coke, let's see how the med works along.

945pm O-M-G, it won't stop.  She's laughing and talking non-stop.  I'm at my wits end so 1/2 a cup of coke zero here we come.  I finish watch House Hunters International and at 10pm she's out cold.

Could it be the coke zero?  Could it be the combination?  Who knows, Friday night we'll try the coke zero only.   When I got home from a girls night out I found out my husband didn't give her the coke but proceeded to inform me that we are putting her to bed too early, she'll fall asleep on her own about 10pm...yep, just what a 4 year old needs to be doing.  So Saturday night Mommy will do this experiment herself.


She did wake up at 230 because she wet her bed, can't blame her, I gave her coke at 945pm.  She stayed awake until 6 this morning but played a little quieter except the occasional really loud laughing...someone was funny in that room!

Friday, 2/22, Day 3:
Don't leave your husband to do a job.

Saturday, 2/23, Day 4:
Well it was a rough night, she was a complete diva.  I sent her to her room for punishment and was debating whether to give her the coke, it seemed like a reward.  But after she settled down I decided to try it.  It took 45 minutes to an hour but she went to sleep.  Really I don't know know if it was the coke or exhaustion from all of that rebelliousness.

Sunday & Monday, Days 5 & 6:
I thought maybe the medicine was taking longer to work for her so I gave it to her at 530 in the afternoon, 730, 830, 930, NOTHING!  So I gave the coke.  Sunday night it worked relatively quickly, Monday, she was dancing to "if your happy and you know it".  Finally about 930 she went to sleep. 

So in conclusion, research is not my field of expertise.  I have no clue!  I suppose I need to call the doctor back, all the books I read say the parent who doesn't give up has the most successful child, God bless those parents. Can you sense my discouragement?

I'll rest my brain this morning and see how I'm feeling in the afternoon.  Perhaps my child really is the energizer bunny.